cautiously optimistic

about the way things are going.  is this the start of something that will last, or the attempt to placate me until the fear is gone?  I'm not sure, but I want to believe the former.  Only time will reveal the answer, but in the meantime, I am thoroughly enjoying my time and your earnest eyes.  

Laugh so you don't cry...

Crazy how emotions can be equally strong and yet totally contradictory.  For example, how is it possible to want to break someone's nose and make out with them at the same time?  I'm not sure, but I am here to tell you it is indeed possible.  I try to find a balance between the emotions and end up feeling nothing.  I don't expect people to read my mind, but when I explain what I am thinking I really don't think it is too much to expect you not to be an idiot. Questions like, "so, seeing you for a little bit is better than not seeing you at all?" deserve a slap to the face and leave me muttering under my breath.  I used to think people who loved someone who made them want to scream were nuts and pathetic... oh, wait. that sounds familiar...  

I feel disappointed and isolated and i have done nothing wrong. So, I am backing away slowly.  if you want to stop me, and I hope you do, i've told you how- if you were listening.