Wednesday, February 2, 2011

oh time, sweet time

I'm trying really hard to live in each moment these days. I don't know if it's all of the car accidents rolling into work, or just the realization that my life is moving full speed ahead and I don't want to miss anything. In FOUR months, I will be married. Married! In so many ways I am so ready for the day after the wedding to be here, when I can look at my new husband and giggle. But somewhere in my head it also seems like once we wed my life will suddenly change for the better: no more work or anything else that is hard in my life right now. I know this is completely ridiculous, but still the thought is there. But getting married is only one of many exciting things coming up. At the end of the month I am going to Kansas to visit my dear friend Heather! I am so excited to see where she has made a brand new life and meet the town and people she is growing to love. Heather and I have one of those rare friendships that feels like breathing. She knows me, it's just that simple and at times that scary. I am also planning a visit to Atlanta to see my friend Joy. She moved to Atlanta last summer after she got married and I miss her the way I do Heather. Without them here I have to go out and make new friends, and test and see who I trust, who I get along with, and actually let people get to know me. Which really is not something I relish. Which is why I am so excited to see both of them within a month!

But that brings me back to living in the moment. There are so many days between now and all of that, and I dont want to look back on these months as a blur of waiting. In my experience, when I do that I tend to realize how much I have missed by being so preocupied with what could happen instead of living in what was happening. So I am attempting to focus on now. The day to day where I have to make new friends and go to marriage counseling and learn how to do my taxes for the first time. Where I am trying to have more fun and fewer lists, and go out after work instead of collapsing into my bed. And in spite of how sometimes I wish I had made some very different decisions about six months ago, I am learning to be content and trust God for the everyday. A least I am trying, anyway!