Honesty= Rudeness?

Someone very smart made that correlation for me a few days ago, and I have been pondering it ever since.  She actually put it, rudeness= honesty, and I added honesty= love, so i guess that means rudeness= love?  i do try to be honest with people.  i think people need that, because there are plenty of people willing to tell you what you want to hear or agree with you or make you feel better, but very few who will tell you what you need to hear and will disagree, forcing you to re-examine what you think or believe.  I think people need to stop and decide what they really think and have a reason to back up what they do, say, and think.  It's easy to float through life on half- thought out ideas and ride the convictions of others.  It's hard to make your own convictions and ideas, because they are yours.  and if they are wrong there is no one to blame but yourself.  So i guess if honesty really does equal rudeness, i am a rude person.  i am sorry about that, it wasn't my intention at all.  if i have ever been rude to you, consider this an apology and know that i was honest out of love.   you don't have to like it.  in fact it will probably make you uncomfortable occasionally.  I'm ok with that, its good for you.  

discomfort causes change, and change is good. 

oh yes, and only 3 more days of Chemistry!

Life is wonderful, life goes full circle

it's almost funny the way things come out of nowhere right when you are about to quit looking for them.  opportunities you had given up on come together at the last minute.  friendships you never could have imagined become exactly what you need.  right when you are about to look away from the sky you see twice as many stars.  it's almost like God's way of reminding us, this life isn't about you and your plans, your ideas, or what you think you need.  wait for me to show you.  it makes me wonder how often i get in my own way.  

life can't be predicted, and it can't even really be planned for.  so what to do?  more and more God is showing me i just need to sit back and really see the beauty around me, worship Him, love other people, and let Him take care of the rest.  it sounds so simple and easy, but it's been quite the struggle.  a constant fight not to get freaked out and feel like i am falling behind.  but honestly, behind on what? other than sleep :)

Glory, glory, glory

oh to be outside! to be in the open air where trees provide the relief from the golden rays and the sound of water is music! the poetry in light, and the subtle movement of the shadows is perfect and haunting.  the way the light lingers with the darkness, illuminating, balancing, revealing just enough. exquisite.  natural things are so honest.  there is no hiding.  no trying to be less than what it is.  trees don't resist being tall, slouching and feeling awkward around the shorter bushes.  flowers are not condemned for being so beautiful.   they are what they were meant to be.  fulfilling their roles perfectly, the variety adding to the beauty.  why can't, or i should say don't, people live like that.  why are some made to feel like they are too much and others like they are not enough.  celebrating your gifts doesn't diminish mine.  cherishing my passions doesn't make yours less worthy.  

open up.  see beauty and recognize it.

Dancin' in the moonlight....

oh i love days wrought with possibilities!   and the sky at night!  and dancing in the car! and the strange looks on stranger's faces when i catch them staring and wave! and potential to do things I've always wanted to do! and, i must admit, i love doing well.  in everything.  even chemistry :)

Another summer day....

chemistry.  blah.  i should be studying.  i have a test in 2 days.  and im not ready.  ugh.  but really?  its summer.  i want to be outside, enjoying the sunshine.  even if that means sweating and getting sunburned.

I was thinking today about what makes me feel the most like me.  what makes me feel the most alive? guarantee you it's not chemistry.  so what is it?  im not really sure.  i do know that how a person spends their time is descriptive of what is important to them, so what does that say about me?  hm...  something to keep thinking about.  good thing i have a hour commute to class in the morning.

The radio

I have grown to dislike the radio this summer.  especially the morning people who talk incessantly about nothing.  like i am supposed to care what they ate for breakfast or what their kid is doing later?  sorry, i have my own life, shut up and just play some music.  the up side of disowning my radio is that i have discovered music i love, stuff that has been buried deep within my ipod, as well as recent stuff the people in my life who were/are concerned with my lack of musical knowledge have shared with me that is way good.  so thank you, annoying radio people, bob, and heather. its fantastic to put the ipod on shuffle and just see what comes out! 

"i am aiming to be somebody this somebody trusts, with her delicate soul, i don't claim to know much, except as soon as you start to make room for the parts that aren't you it gets harder to bloom in a garden of love..."

Somethin for me...

The way you look, the way you laugh,

the way you love with all you have,

there ain't nothing bout you, that don't do something for me,

the way you kiss, the way you cry,

the way you move when you walk by, 

there ain't nothing bout you, that don't do something for me.

-Brooks and Dunn

i LoVe this song right now.  I dont really know why, cause im not a brooks and dunn fan.  but i find myself humming it as i go about my day.  who doesnt want a love like that?

I want a lot of things.  a career i find fulfilling, to see the world, to go on adventures, to do well in Chemistry, and the list goes on.  i want all of them, and it is up to me to make them happen.  I have the control.  i can pursue my career by studying hard and i can plan my own adventures.  i can focus early in the morning and succeed in chem.  I dont need to rely or wait on anyone.  except not all of life will fit nicely within my plans.  i dont have control of the actions of the people around me.  i cant make their decisions for them, i cant read their thoughts, and i cant know what they will do. so many questions. all i can do is wait and then react.  no time to plan, just go! and hope and pray i reacted well.  oh, waiting is not an easy thing for someone who despises feeling helpless.  

so what to do?  wait and see where the final battle lines are drawn (and the battle is coming, i can see it building)? or go on with things, getting  ever closer or farther away from where i want to be?  because nothing stays the same.