feel so fresh and brand new...

so to say that i have been neglecting this blog is a massive understatement. but being home, in my cloud of a bed, i wanted to revisit it and put down some of my current thoughts. so much has changed since april, and so much is completly unchanged. or, maybe not. maybe things have to continually change, even when the change goes unnoticed. but back on track. i am home for thanksgiving break! can it be true that last weekend I was in knoxville preparing to go out at this time, and the weekend before that I was dancin' it up at formal, and the weekend before that I was on sorority retreat, and so it goes?? could this semester really be going by so quickly? surely not, but then i pull the covers around me a little tighter and feel the chill that unshakably reminds me that it is fall and winter is approaching. i wonder where this semester has gone, and it is bittersweet to realize i'm not really sure. unlike previous times, this semester has not been a black hole with random bright spots, or a struggle to stay afloat above the demands and pressures and worry that threatened to bring me down. rather, it has been a string of random events. roomie night at arby's (yeah, i ate arby's). rediscovering old friendships. late nights at the kitchen table discussing life, the economy, and realizing my thoughts are not entirely unique. connecting with my major in new, unexpected ways. being content with knowing other nursing students well enough to chat but still pursuing more. making friendships work. being there for friends as they move forward. encouraging. really falling in love. struggling to figure out the future. asking questions even when i am afraid of the answer. especially that last one.

i looked at pictures of myself on facebook, and was shocked. in addition to looking super young, i thought about the way i used to be, the way i still am, and parts of me i hadn't realized had even changed. And I have changed, in mostly good ways, but it has been a cycle. i look at a picture and am reminded of how brave i felt, how grown up, how insecure, how afraid, how depressed, how bold i felt. and almost always the emotion is not outwardly displayed, but i see and i remember. maybe it is because i am almost finished with what has been a chaotic semester, or because i am home with my parents, but now i feel strong. ready. for whatever is ahead. and i like this feeling.