I am a very independent person. I can handle myself and dont really need your help, thank you very much. But now, the crutches are forcing me to see that my independence and self sufficiency is a crutch i use to protect myself. If I am not relying on people, they cant let me down. If i dont trust them, they cant hurt me. If I hold people at a distance, they cant see who I really am. And now, with these crutches, I have to rely on other people. And its hard. I hate to admit that, but it is hard for me to let people open doors for me, or carry my plate in the caf, or even just be concerned. How stupid is that?! Because I cant carry anything, and opening doors is difficult, and I really do need help. But I dont want to admit that because it feels like I've failed somehow. Which is even more ridiculous than not wanting help I need. When will what I need become what I want? ugh...
Friday, February 22, 2008
Craziness
I might be the most awkward person ever. I really hope not, but sometimes I wonder. I say what is on my mind, Im not afraid of confronting people, and I sometimes take things too far. I dont really apologize for any of that, I like who I am. And now, to add to the awkwardness, I am on crutches. For three weeks. And I am quickly discovering things about myself that I thought were good, to be not so good after all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I completely know what ya mean...It's so hard to swallow when people want to serve/give back to you! Saying what's on your mind and confronting people aren't necessarily bad things--they just need discernment to guard them. :) You are definitely no where near the first person I think of when the word awkward comes up! I think I put up a lot of the same walls that you do... let's not do that when we go to coffee, deal? :)
"When will what I need become what I want?"
In my opinion, that happens when you let go of both.
I'm glad you kept this up here Taylor, it's good to hear your thoughts!
Post a Comment