Lies

Ever wonder why people lie? Lies never solve things or make them better, they just complicate life.  even the ones that seem small and not even really worth telling.  but the worst lies are the ones we believe about ourselves, and worse yet are the lies we tell ourselves.  Those lies do the most damage becuase we take them in and shelter them from truths people tell us, clinging to them despite evidence to the contrary.  we hold on to them for years, often forgetting the source or why we still believe them.  But we do believe them, and from what I have seen they always destroy people.  chipping away at who they are, and who they are meant to be.

I have a friend who is beautiful.  one of those people who is just striking. but she wont believe you when you reassure her that she isnt ugly.

I have another friend who is fantasticly funny.  he makes me laugh consantly.  but he is so self concious that he barely says anything around people he doesnt know well.

and me... wow.  god has really been making me aware of the lies i am believing about myself.  its painful to see the truth, and see how deceived i have been.  how much time has been wasted and opportunities missed because i wouldnt or couldnt see what was real.  but now the blinders are coming off, and it hurts the same way going outside on a sunny day hurts my eyes.  so much light, so much truth.  but its a hurt that contains the promise of something better, something more.  the pain will stop, and life will begin again after i have gotten accustomed to the light/truth and i am able to see things for what they are.  

i refuse to believe the lies anymore, and i am finally willing to deal with the pain the truth brings.  because i cant keep doing what i am doing, it just hurts to much to feel myself suffocating.  

"head underwater, and they tell me, to breathe easy for awhile. Breathing gets harder, even i know that"