I want to be your last first kiss...

that you'll ever have...

that seems so permanent.  so strange to think that one day that will be true.  ideally :)  

i have this strange shifty feeling lately.  maybe it's the weather.  or the way i feel your eyes linger after i've looked away.  or that i am reassessing everything (which is a little overwhelming, i really should try to tackle smaller chunks at a time...)  it's exciting and strange and i like it.  but it's scary, too.  i have that feeling i usually get right before I move, but this time i'm not going anywhere.  i kind of want to... if only for the change.

i feel most alive at this time of year, which is a little odd considering that everything natural in the world is dying.  that wonderfully earth smell? decay.  and those pretty fall leaves...yep, on their way to death.  i hope i can die with such grace... i think instead of a funeral, I would like to have a going away party.  that is, assuming i know i'm going to die in advance.  yes, i realize that is a little morbid.  oh well.