Ooh, the struggle of wanting something so badly and just sitting back and breathing because, ultimately, there is nothing that you can do about it anyway. But I want to do something, something to make things more concrete. But it's mid-october, and nothing is clear, not even the weather.
I toyed around with changing majors, again. I always seem to come back to that. maybe it's a sign that: 1. I should. 2. i'm too indecisive for my own good. or 3. i'm to idealistic and just need to realize that there is no perfect major/career. i dont know. i just know i'm not where i want to be. but i also know i'm not finished yet, that there is still time to get where I want to go and all i need to do is work for it. but sometimes the path between here and there is so dark, and uncertain, and scary, that I get nervous I wont make it all the way. and then what? i shudder to think about it. and then i feel like a jerk. ugh. and I know nothing i do today could really change anything, anyway. i just have to wait and see and decide in about a month. and that's where it gets hard again. the waiting and seeing. truth be told, i'm not even sure what i'm looking for.... terrific.
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